I haven’t written in a while. I’ve written about 10,000 words in a new book I’m working on, but I haven’t written anything publicly. No blogs or articles or anything like that. There’s a reason for that.
Depression has debilitated me lately. It has convinced me that I have nothing good to say, nothing notable; it has convinced me that my voice isn’t worth anything. That the things I write don’t help anyone, so why bother? Does anyone care?
I have to tell myself over and over that it isn’t true. That my voice does matter. That people will actually want to read the things that I write; that people are interested in what I have to say. It’s a battle believing it though. Depression is a ruthless beast, and I have to fight it every day. In my world, it doesn’t feel okay to not be okay. I have to be strong and persevere.
So I’m back here, writing it all down. My journey with schizophrenia, my journey with life. I had a great conversation with a friend and fellow mental health warrior. We’re going to write it out together. Through the struggles, through the depression and anxious thoughts.
I told someone recently that I was struggling with my purpose. Do I have a purpose in life? When I’m not writing, it doesn’t feel as though I do. That can only mean one thing: my purpose is writing. My purpose is to connect with people through writing. So I’m going to push through my fear of having nothing important to write, and come out and write it. I’m sure all writers go through this at some point, especially now, with NaNoWriMo looming. I think it’s important that we all remind each other that we must stick with our passions and push through no matter how hard it may seem. We must do that which gives us joy, because that is what gives us purpose, making life all that more meaningful for us.
Thank you for reading my blog. I look forward to connecting with all of you.