1: Paranoia

When she tells me to do something, I feel like she is talking down to me. I don’t know if she really is, but it probably doesn’t matter, because she’s spoken to me in this manner so many times that I can’t erase how she’s treated me from my mind to discern what is past and what is present. Even if she’s not talking down to me now, I know she’s spoken down to me before, and she never apologized, so it’s kind of a moot point, this bullshit side effect of paranoid schizophrenia where I tell myself I’m perceiving things incorrectly because I’m fucking crazy.

But am I crazy? Or am I just intelligent? What is the difference between the two? If the most intelligent person in the room sees through the lies of one supposed human when no one else does, will that person ever not be crazy? Won’t everyone else – SOCIETY – perceive the intelligent one as the crazy one? Just look at any high school environment ever. The intelligent people are always the crazy people whom no one accepts into society.

Kind of like the schizophrenics.

What do we do about unabashed hate towards a schizophrenic person? How does someone already not accepted by society prove they are being hated or discriminated against? Who are we going to prove it to if no one gives a shit?

Who is listening?

It’s a vicious cycle. Nobody cares about the schizophrenics, most of whom are dead anyway.

Until the dead speak to the living, we’re going to continue hating ourselves.¬†And why not? Everyone else does.


2 thoughts on “1: Paranoia

  1. Nicole Reply

    I’m listening, and I love you.

  2. Abhimanyu Reply

    Brief and thoughtful. Just what I was expecting. :)

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